It is time to admit to something that you would not expect from me. and this is hard for me to say, but i guess i just need to get it out there. i don't actually live anywhere near an actual "grocery" store. that's right. no Whole Foods, no Nugget Market, no Corti Brothers. no. my house is conveniently located between the bus stop and the smoke shop, a perfect spot for chain smoking runaways and drifters, but not a great place for a watercress and mitzithra salad. the closest thing to a grocery store is 5 blocks down and is usually referred to as Stinky Albertson's or The Grocery Whorehouse, depending on which door you use. there are times, friends, when i have to shop there. like when i run out of gas in the driveway or have had my license suspended. anyway. today was one of those days. but there is one definite up-side to shopping at the Grocery Whorehouse: cheap cuts of meat! there is a big big market in my neck of the woods for ham hocks, neck bones, ankles, shanks and....oh yeah, short ribs! and today....oh happy day...they were whoring out short ribs 6 fat ones for $2. oh....i'll have them. i'll have them all!!

as soon as i saw them there, in their fat yet bony splendor, i remembered the fantastic short ribs my mom used to make cooking all day in the crockpot. sweet, dripping, covered in short-rib gravy-goo...oh, so amazing. so i ran right home and called her up to get the recipe. i'm sure it was some variation of a Betty-Crocker-for-your-crockpot recipe. don't make that face! you know that bitch could cook.  mom answered and said she was way too busy to go looking up old recipes. she said it was something like red wine, catsup, onion, garlic...maybe carrots? who knows. she said whatever, it's short ribs. you can't fuck 'em up. she's so sweet. then she hung up the phone.

so i looked around my kitchen for those ingredients but i didn't really have everything. i had things that were kind of like other things. like i didn't have wine but i had beer. i had no carrots but i had catsup. so, basically, the following is NOT my mama's short ribs and it ain't Betty's either. but they are really really fuckin' good.


Not My Mama's Short Ribs

Ingredients:
Short Ribs (a pan full)
olive oil
large yellow onion
garlic 7-ish cloves
white potato's (or yukon...or whatever)
beer- something darkish, brown ale, you know
soy sauce
catsup
honey
brown sugar
salt
pepper

OVEN 350
generously sprinkle the ribs with salt and pepper then brown (get 'em really nice and browned!) in olive oil in a deep cast iron skillet. chop the onion and garlic and throw it in the pan with the ribs and saute a couple minutes. chop up some potato (enough to fill in around the ribs) into large chunks, throw them in the pan. turn the ribs over so the meaty side is down. pour beer in until ribs are at least 3/4 covered. now here it gets a little sketchy....didn't really measure anything. add some soy sauce, maybe...i don't know 1/4 cup? maybe less?  add a couple Tablespoons catsup. toss some honey in there....2Tish. and some brown sugar, just grab a handful and sprinkle it on top. add more salt and pepper. cover with a lid and bake for 4.5 to 5 hours.


brown them ribs!